Invisible

I've been with Lucas for over three monts. If that's what it is. And when I'm with him It's great. He kisses very well, he's funny and smart, and romantic. I should be abble to love him, but I just dont. And ironnically I want HIM to love me. To say that three words every girl wants to hear. I thought the problem was the distance, and I'm not sayint it's not, but is more than that. I'm still not sure why I don't love him but it has something to do with the fact I'm not inmune to crush for another guy. Today: two. 
One is the guy I would never recomend anyone to crush. He's not smart, he's a womanizer, player, all bad things I should be repelled to. But I'm not and this crush is not just something that will be forgotten in time. I had a crush with this guy who I'm not going to name practically since I met him at the beginning of the year. 
But the bad thing is, I'm at 4th grade AND I'M INVISIBLE. I don't want to go deeper in that, but it's like no one sees me. Maybe that's why I lie, to get attention. But it's a bad habbit, that's why I'm trying to erase it. 
I mentioned another crush. For a guy I just met. He has culture, and is really handsome, I don't know a lot about him except he's a musician and a librarian hopping to become a writter. He's like me. 
But of course it's never going to happen because like I said I'm invisible. To everyone except Lucas. Maybe that's why I haven't end the whole thing dispite the distance and not loving him, because he saw me when I was invisible